The Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin

The Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin

"Emmy, the events we lived through taught me to be sure of nothing about other people. They taught me to expect danger around every corner. They taught me to understand that there are people in this world that mean you harm. And sometimes, they're the people who say they love you."
-Nancy Werlin, The Rules of Survival, Letter to Emmy





Summary:  Matt is a teenage boy desperately looking for a way to protect himself and his two younger sisters from their mother’s abuse.  Nancy Werlin begins with a letter Matt has written to his youngest sister Emma explaining that he is writing down the story of what has happened to their family.  He is not sure once it is written if he will let her read it but he needs to write it, if only “to try to turn the experience into something valuable for you, and for myself---not just something to be pushed away and forgotten.”  Though Matt and his sister’s story is not something soon forgotten. 

Themes: Family, Responsibility, Survival, Courage, Fear

Grade level: 9^th grade and up

Possible Student Reaction:  Those students that have never been in or around a situation of abuse may begin this story with the idea of how they would never let such a thing happen to them.  How they would be able to stand up and get away.  But by the end of the story they will understand how leaving abuse behind is a tangled, complicated situation that is more difficult and scary to leave behind than they would have ever imagined.

Analysis:  After reading Rules of Survival the first question I asked myself was “What would I have done?”  And because I really cannot answer that question just makes this all the more thought provoking and necessary.  Because there are not clear lines: The abuse is obvious but not.  The adults could help but can’t.  The marks disappear but don’t.  These all add up to a heartbreaking, hopeful story that may not be fun to pick up and read but once you do you won’t be able to put it down or forget.

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Discussion Questions found on Nancy Werlin's website

The book's risks, which could make the book an edgy choice in some teaching situations, include the facts that the novel portrays a violent and manipulative mother who endangers her children physically and psychologically, a distant and uninvolved father, and some adults who choose to ignore that children are in a dangerous situation.

Book Discussion Questions

• There are many ways to survive in a dangerous situation. What are some of the ways Matthew, Callie and Emmy survive?
• Explain why Emmy prayed for Murdoch. Do you think she realized the effect that it would have on her mother? How might their lives have been different if she had just gone to bed that night?
• Matthew describes Nikki as evil. In what ways do you think she exhibited this quality?
• How did Matt and Callie’s protecting Emmy endanger her instead? Speculate on how you think Emmy thought about their mother, both before and after they were separated from her.
• Discuss the scene when Matthew and Callie saw Murdoch for the first time, and what characteristics he showed them in their brief interaction with them, and how that meeting changed their lives.
• Compare Matthew’s first view of Murdoch with the way he sees him at the end of the story. What are some of the key events that changed Matthew’s perception of Murdoch?
• Why is it that the people you love the most are able to inflict the most pain on you?
• Describe how Matthew and Callie felt when no one would help them. How did those refusals affect them mentally and emotionally?
• Nikki knew her children very well, and knew exactly what buttons to push to manipulate them. Give several examples of her ability to do this.
• What were some of the reasons behind Nikki’s eccentric and dangerous behavior? What did she gain by acting that way?
• A number of adults in the book seemed to be afraid of Nikki. What did she do to each of them to make them fear her? What about her frightened them? What about her frightened you?
• Discuss what Murdoch’s quote means: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Give examples of each of these kinds of people. Can you find examples in the book of these kinds of people?
• Why did Aunt Bobbie and Ben suddenly decide to start protecting the children? What caused them to start acting differently?
• On page 126, Matthew describes the scene when Murdoch commits himself to helping the children. Why did he make that decision at that point? Speculate on what might have happened to him earlier in his life that caused him to come to that decision at that moment?
• Matthew says he never really learned to trust Aunt Bobbie. Why not? What prevented that bond from forming? What would have had to happen for Matthew to come to trust her completely?
• Matthew said he changed in the boatyard when he came face to face with Nikki. What caused that change, and why did he say that it was irreversible?
• Discuss Matthew’s queen bee/mosquito theory. How did the change occur? Are there “queen bees” in your life that you might be able to change to “mosquitoes”?
• How would Matthew’s life have changed if he had killed or seriously injured Nikki? How would his sisters’ lives have changed?